In all reality, you would think the quakes had no effect on me by now, having gone on for over a year.
Though this one was different.
Aside from being hurt in two 5.8 quakes today, the quakes have had a mentally damaging affect on me.
I miss Sam a lot which only adds to my worry, and lack of comfort.
But this really 'shook' (hurrhurr) me.
I came to realise I do not know where my life is going, and how much it upsets me.
How vulnerable I am, how paniced, how feraful.
How much of a mess I have become!
Alas, all things come to end, this is sure, but my self-doubt and serious mental issues only seem to be a recurring issue at this current time.
I am stuck in an artistic rut, I cannot write anything, my music is crap, and i've never been able to paint.
I hate my job and will quit in the new year, lord knows where i'll find future employment.
I hate myself more than ever, though struggle to starve as I've done multiple, multiple times in the past.
And without Sam here, there is nothing to occupy my time, require my attention, or focus my devotion.
I am utterly useless, and I see no where out of this.
However, with the quakes increasing, I feel I should sleep now or be shaken into oblivion.
I am constantly afraid of being hurt and being awake does not help.
Lets just hope we all last to see another day, yes?
After all, I turn 18 soon, and Daddy is taking me to the pub :3
And Sam comes back, which will be a happy, happy, happy reunion.
I guess I've found small positives to cling to, hmmmm?
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